Preorder Jitters

My first book, Mattson Academy, is available for pre-order right now. Some people have even already preordered it. There’s really no going back now. In a lot of ways, I am excited beyond words, but I am also exhausted, more than a little nervous about what’s to come, and anxious. My book is going out into the world where anyone can read it and then tell their friends and family what they thought of it–good or bad.

  I started writing Mattson Academy for my own enjoyment. Writing was a way to engage an overactive imagination and to give my brain something healthy to focus on when my thoughts were otherwise spinning out of control. I had thought about writing a book at various times in my life, but I never really sat down and worked at it or practiced writing or anything of the sort. Ideas would bounce around in my head, and I’d come up with small, one-off scenes or character ideas, but nothing compelled me to take that first step. It wasn’t until I was 30 and I was starting to recognize just how badly I needed a creative outlet that things started to fall into place. I was on a trip with family, and during downtime at the airport or in the hotel, I got some ideas for a story, and a few weeks later, I said, “I’m going to try and write a book.”

And I did.

Over the next six months I cranked out the first draft of Mattson Academy. During that time, I did start reading up on the craft of writing. I read On Writing, by Steven King. I tore through The Elements of Style, by Strunk and White. I started listening to writing podcasts and made writing friends on Twitter. And page by page, word by word, I wrote a whole darn book. The crazy thing was that my friends and family expressed an interest in reading it. This goofy little side-project that I swore I was wasting my time with was of interest to them. So, after I finished, I skimmed through it to edit it just for spelling, grammar, clarity, etc., and I sent it to a few people to read.

I really thought those first few weeks waiting for people to read it would be the most nerve-wracking part of this whole thing. Silly me.

They liked it! But it was easy to write off compliments from friends and family. They had to tell me they liked it. That’s their job. But it got to a few other folks, just enough on the outside of my circle that I was like, “They have no reason to lie to me, and they still say they like it. Maybe I could actually make something happen with this whole writing thing.” 

Mattson Academy has gone through countless revisions to hopefully become the best version of itself that it can be. It is worlds better than the version those first few people read, I can say that objectively. Thanks to my publisher, I’ve learned a ton more about the writing and editing process. Yet, somehow, I was terrified to share the sneak peek link of the first chapter. Looking it over, I got a lump in my throat and my heart started going a mile a minute. So I did what any normal, sane person would do. I shared that link and then ate a bunch of mac and cheese and took a nap.

I have spent so much time on this story over the last six years, thinking about it, writing it, editing it, drawing the characters, talking about it, thinking about sequels, fan casting the Netflix original series, getting a very real tattoo of one of the monsters. Other than like, my kid, this is the one single thing I have probably worked the hardest on in my entire life. And now it’s just going to be out there for the world to do with as it sees fit. To love it or to hate it, or, possibly worst of all, to not care about it in the slightest.

I am excited. It’s a good book. I’ve gotten over enough of the imposter syndrome to say that out loud. It’s a good book. It’s a book that I have worked my butt off to bring to this publishable state. The next step is convincing people that it’s worth reading. I’ll do a lot more of that in the months to come, but right now, I’m just kind of floating in this weird, in-between state of excitement and anxiety. I’ve crossed the threshold. Until now, I felt like I could pull the plug if I needed to. I could go back to writing being a side project. A hobby. A fun thing I did on the side that I shared with friends and family and remained comfortably in that bubble. 

I can’t do that anymore. The first chapter is readable now. The pre-order link is up. Mattson Academy is going out into the world. I really hope people like it.